Catching Up

Life's been a little hectic over the past few days, but I have managed to get around to watching three more new Fall pilots: Twins, Commander in Chief, and Sex, Love, and Secrets.

The WB's Twins, while mildly annoying, is an otherwise harmless little sitcom. But will somebody please tell me what happened to Sara Gilbert's voice? Since the last time she was seen on the small screen, her voice seems to have gone up a couple of octives... and this voice change is, for some strange reason, proving to be more than just mildly annoying.

Commander in Chief on ABC was a solid hour, and easily ABC's best new show of the season. Now, it's certainly no The West Wing, but then again, we didn't ask it to be. Series lead Geena Davis unexpectedly carries off the role of the first female President with just the right level of gravitas. It's worth a look.

As for UPN's Sex, Love, and Secrets... it gets the official TV Boy Loser of the Year award. This show was THE WORST! It makes Fox's Reunion seem like Shakespearian drama. And the acting? Ha! The performance by renown show-killer Eric Balfour (remember last Fall's quickly-departed Hawaii?) easily earns the "sorriest performance in a Fall pilot" award. This stuff MUST be seen to be believed. But if you want to witness it for yourself, then you'd better hurry, because its ratings were DOA. The show turned in a pathetic 1.2 in the Nielsen overnights (by comparison, time-slot rival Commander in Chief racked up a healthy 12.6 rating). If UPN plays its cards right, Sex, Love, and Secrets will be the Fall season's second casualty.

Play It Again

Were you one of the unfortunate few who missed the pilot of UPN's Everybody Hates Chris? If so, then you're about to be granted a second opportunity to see one of this season's best pilots: Google will be streaming the pilot of Chris for a limited time only at http://video.google.com/chris.html.

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And for those of you who were crazy enough to have missed the season opener of Lost without TiVoing it... you're getting one more chance to see it. ABC has (mercifully) pushed back the hour-long season premiere of The George Lopez Show (and, in turn, the series premiere of Freddie) by one week in order to repeat last week's "what's inside the hatch" episode of Lost this Wednesday at 8.

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...And Again

By the way - in case you were wondering, I didn't win PowerBall this past weekend. No PowerBall for me = more Monday mornings for me.

Vacation All I Ever Wanted

There are many ways to spend a Friday evening. This past Friday happened to coincide with the last official day of my vacation from work. On an evening filled with such symbolism, most people would choose to head out for the night . Me? I guess that I'm not most people. Instead of an evening out with a friend, I instead made a conscious decision to stay home and watch television. Yes, television (television is life, and life is television; learn it, live it). But this wasn't just any television we're talking about. We're talking about Fall premieres. FOUR Fall premieres on one night: The Ghost Whisperer, Killer Instinct, Three Wishes, and Inconceivable. Four premieres on one night? Damn - turn off the phone, lock the doors, fire up the TiVo, and get the snacks ready.

Four hour-long shows. Which turned out to be four wastes of time. Four hours that I'll never ever be able to get back. Why did they ALL have to be so disappointing? WHY??

The Ghost Whisperer? Perhaps Les Moonves lost a bet. Killer Instinct? Enough with the procedural/forensic dramas! Three Wishes? I'll take just one wish -- and that wish is for UPN to beat NBC in this time slot. Inconceivable? What's really inconceivable is that I made a conscious decision to give up going out so that I could watch this insipid mess.

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This Just In...

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first cancellation of the season. This dubious honor goes to... Fox's Head Cases. After just two telecasts, Head Cases is no more. Fox will fill the time slot with new episodes of Nanny 911 and Trading Spouses.

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Flashback

This weekend I did something that I've wanted to do for a long time: I hooked up an old ColecoVision to my television. For those of you too young to remember, ColecoVision was the first of the so-called "advanced" home video-game systems. When the ColecoVision was released in 1982, gamers for the first time were able to bring home faithful adaptations of hit arcade games. The ColecoVision was a HUGE success in the '80s; it even brought down the mighty Atari... which, until the ColecoVision came along, had been the reigning king of the home game systems. Of course, compared to contemporary systems such as the Playstation and XBox, the ColecoVision pales in both visuals and depth of game play; it may even be worthy of the term "antique." But dont try to tell that to die-hard Q-Bert fans (and you know who you are).

So now, I have yet another reason not to leave the house before having to return to work on Monday. To that end... anybody up for some Donkey Kong? If so, you know where to find me...

Cruel Juxtapositions

If you've seen it, then you know that Everybody Hates Chris is one of the best new shows of the Fall season. However, if you happened to stay tuned to UPN to watch the show that follows Chris, then you already know that this show, Love, Inc., is one of the worst new shows of the Fall season. Having to sit through Love, Inc. on a Thursday night gets one longing for the days when WWE Smackdown still graced the Thursday-night UPN lineup.

It's sad that UPN is wasting this valuable time slot (leading out of Chris) on such poorly acted, poorly written, and poorly directed nonsense. Somewhere in the world this week Shannen Doherty is sending a huge bouquet of red roses to Dawn Ostroff and the other powers-that-be at UPN for bouncing her from this not-long-for-this-world series.

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I gave Joey another chance last night. After all, this was the season premiere, and producers were promising a new and improved Joey (and Joey). For those of you who've slept through Thursday nights over the past twelve months, Joey is the Friends spin-off that started out with great promise, only to fizzle into mediocrity.

Despite the changes (Joey becomes a successful actor! Joey finds a new best friend!!), the show is still wallowing in mediocrity. And it probably doesn't help that as Joey makes us nostalgic for our Friends of old, we the viewers can switch over from NBC to TBS and watch the best of Friends... right there in that same time slot as Joey.

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Mr. Food I'm Not, But...

For all of you who've been wondering... yes, I did make that pizza this week. Not sent out for that pizza. Not picked up that pizza. Not heated-up that pizza. I made a pizza. As some of you already know, in the past I used to make a mean (read: good) pizza. But... it's been a while since I attempted such an undertaking, and so a quality pizza was hardly a lock. But now that I have all that extra counter space, it was time. And I'm pleased to report that the results were actually very good and overwhelmingly edible.

But -- put my pizza next to a Bertucci pizza, and I'll turn on my own creation in a heartbeat.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

We're only four days into the 2005-2006 television season, and already I'm being asked which new shows are worth watching, and which are worthy of being completely ignored (for those of you who are new to my life, please be aware that I watch and review just about every new show on the Fall television schedule).

So, here's what I can tell you so far:

DO NOT MISS:

Everybody Hates Chris
How I Met your Mother
My Name is Earl
Invasion
Kitchen Confidential

Invasion is the best of all of the new Lost-inspired shows.


DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR TIME:

The War at Home
Just Legal
The Apprentice: Martha Stewart
Head Cases
Bones

Did you see Martha Stewart??? This show was supposed to have been a spin-off, not an experiment in cloning. Martha Stewart was a carbon-copy of Trump's Apprentice... except that Martha was just a little too nice (a/k/a too boring) for this type of show. And get this: at the end of each show, she writes a personal letter to that week's booted contestant. If just the thought of such an ending gives you a slight feeling of nausea, you're not alone. Stick to daytime, Martha.

A RAGING SENSE OF... INDIFFERENCE:

Supernatural
Surface
Threshold
Prison Break
Out of Practice

These shows were all good. Several were even very-well done. But none of them compelled me to come back for more. Some were different enough (especially Prison Break), but others suffered from predictable plots, stereotypical characters, etc.

THE JURY'S STILL OUT ON:

Reunion

Yeah - I need more time for this one. Plotline was incredibly predictable and went way over the top with the pop-culture references, but the style in which the story is unfolding is interesting. Let me watch a couple of more episodes of this one, and then I'll get back to you.

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And if this week's season premiere of Lost is still sitting on your DVR/TiVo and you haven't watched it yet, then step away from the computer right now and WATCH IT. Yes, it was that good. Damn - those numbers turn up everywhere.

Also, please tell your friends (who in turn can tell their friends) to watch Arrested Development, now on Monday nights on Fox. Arrested finished in a perilously-bad fifth place (out of six prime-time network shows in that time slot) in its new Monday night home. It was even beaten by The WB. Please allow me to repeat that: The WB!!! If ratings don't pick up VERY soon, we can probably begin planning our "Farewell Arrested Development" party.

Coming soon... E-Ring, Love, Inc., The Ghost Whisperer, Hot Properties, Commander in Chief, Sex, Love and Secrets (is it too soon to predict cancellation for this one?), Related, Close to Home, Criminal Minds, Freddie, Twins, Three Wishes, Killer Instinct, and Inconceivable.

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Hurts So Good

My recent purchase of a TheraCane seems to be paying off. I've been using it over the past couple of weeks, and my neck and shoulder muscles are staying looser than ever before, giving me the ability to do things that I haven't been able to do in a long time (and, speaking in future tense, things that I haven't been able to do in a long time but hopefully will have the opportunity to do again VERY soon). I'm becoming seriously addicted to this thing.

Now, if I could just get some sleep...