Idle Idol

The big news today comes from Fox, with the announcement that the network will NOT shift its mega-hit American Idol from a Tuesday/Wednesday scheduling to a bold-yet-risky Wednesday/Thursday scheduling, as had been long-speculated. Idol returns to the airwaves on January 17.

Fox is long-known for its bold moves, and a shift of Idol to Thursday would have been among its boldest. Rumor has it that the network came close to making the move, but decided against it at the 11th hour. The Thursday night edition of Idol would likely have been scheduled at 9:00, where it would have faced-off against CBS’ CSI and NBC’s The Apprentice. While both shows would likely have lost audience to Idol, CBS losses would likely have been minor, while NBC stood as the one to truly be hurt. The Apprentice has been slowly fading, and that programming steamroller known as American Idol would likely have crushed what’s left of Donald Trump’s reality-TV empire… and this would have come about at just about the time when NBC had been thinking that things couldn’t have gotten any worse for them on Thursdays.

As things now stand, Idol will return to its traditional Tuesday at 8 time slot. The Wednesday show, however, will return, but initially in a slightly-altered form. For the first few weeks, the Wednesday show will expand to one hour (from its former 30-minute length), and it has been dubbed by Fox as the American Idol Auditions show (and how this differs from the initial weeks of prior years' editions of Idol baffles me). Fox is also claiming that the Wednesday show will eventually revert to its 30-minute length (at 9:00pm), and will again become strictly a "results" show.

For everyone's sake, let's hope that Fox means what they say. Because if the Wednesday results show were to permanently become a one-hour show instead of a 30-minute show, then within that one-hour results show we the viewers would actually be subejcted to 55 minutes of inane filler, and 5 minutes of actual voting results.

A 55/5 split? No thanks, Fox. Unless it's 55 minutes filled with the likes of Wiliam Hung, then I think that I'd rather be drinking a Brussels sprout soda...

Soda as Entertainment

Those of you who know me know that I love soda. Love it. I'm always on the lookout for unknown brands and unusual flavors. Recently, I was fortunate enough to find several VERY unusual flavors.

To that end, yesterday became "bad soda" day at my place of employment. No, it wasn't an officially-sanctioned-by-the-company kind of thing; it was actually an event of my doing. The soda flavor du jour, courtesy of yours truly, was "Brussels sprout and prosciutto" flavored soda from the Jones Soda company (yes, it's a real flavor).

Yes, I did bring a bottle of it into work, and after a few brave co-workers sipped the less-than-palatable beverage (trust me on this one - it tastes even worse than it sounds), one confident soul proclaimed that he'd drink an entire bottle of the stuff for fifty dollars. Little did he realize that so many of us were so captivated by the uniqueness of the evil beverage that we'd actually contribute to this "drink the soda fund."

Within minutes we had collected the pre-negotiated fifty dollars from cadres of eager-to-pitch-in co-workers, and it then became time to move on to the actual consumption. And, true to his word, consume it he did. He at first tried sipping the murky green soda, and immediately realized that this was NOT a sipping kind of beverage; between the unique flavor and the pungent aroma, this is not a drink that one wants to savor. So, with bottle in hand, he downed the remainder of the bottle. Miraculously enough, he survived the consumption of those twelve ounces of green liquid horror without turning green himself.

But he did continue to taste it for quite a while afterwards... which is NOT a pleasant thing. Brussels sprout and prosciutto soda has a way of lingering on the palate... and please take my word for this: you do NOT want to find this out through first-hand (or better yet, first taste) experience.

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The Axman Swingeth

As we hit the end of the November 2005 sweeps period, the losers are emerging: CBS has pulled the plug on Threshold, ABC has axed Friday comedy Hot Properties, and Fox is cancelling its soapy mystery Reunion.

CBS did give Threshold a "last chance" to prove its worth by swapping its time period with Tuesday's Close to Home (which inherited Threshold's Friday slot). The results? Well, Close to Home is looking close to a bonafide hit in its new Friday home, while Threshold underwhelmed the competition on Tuesday. No word yet from CBS on a replacement.

ABC is likely to replace Hot Properties with Crumbs, the new Fred Savage/Jane Curtain sitcom. Based on clips screened at ABC's upfront presentation last May, Crumbs may actually have some potential. Time will tell.

As for Reunion... Fox has yet to announce a replacement. However... could American Idol end up inheriting this time slot???

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Speaking of American Idol...

Idol fans... you may now breath a collective sigh of relief: Simon Cowell will be returning to the show in January, as he and the producers of Idol have settled their lawsuit out-of-court. In fact, the you-love-to-hate-him Simon has signed on for four more seasons of the talent competition, with an option for two additional seasons.

Hey, I wonder if Simon has ever tasted turkey-and-gravy flavored soda? Considering his caustic personality, he just might find such a caustic beverage palatable...

Alias, Alas

This post will be relevant to exactly two people who I know personally. For the rest of you... please feel free to continue with your post-Thanksgiving celebrations.

ABC has announced that spy drama Alias will not be renewed for another season. Its five-season run will come to an end in May of next year.

The handwriting has been on the wall for some time, and let's face it: Alias has been living on borrowed time for quite a while now. Never a mass-audience success, Alias has enjoyed a loyal yet small cult-like following over the past five years. Its continued existence can likely be attributed less to its audience drawing power and more to the fact that until last year, the ABC network's prime-time fortunes were... oh, how can I say it and still sound charitable... BAD (sorry, there was just no way to say it charitably). No one was watching ABC back then; in fact, the network was often mired in fourth place in the prime-time Nielsen ratings. Thus, it could afford to hold onto a show that attracted a loyal, albeit small, audience.

Things began to change last year for ABC. Can you say Desperate Housewives? How about Lost? Perhaps you've heard of Grey's Anatomy? Yes, thanks to these and a few other shows, ABC has enjoyed a big-time reversal of fortune, and now there just isn't room for marginally-performing programming. Alias did enjoy a slight uptick in its ratings last year, when the alphabet moved the program into the slot following Lost (both Lost and Alias are the brainchilds of the same creator, by the way).The operative word here is slight. The ratings increase just wasn't enough to justify unwavering support by the network for the show. Thus, this Fall Alias was shuttled off to the dreaded Thursday-at-8 slot, to face the titan of reality television, Survivor. Oh, and did I mention that this time slot was also populated by Joey, Everybody Hates Chris, The O.C., and Smallville? Not exactly the Saturday night schedule, is it?

Since this move to Thursdays, ratings have been less-than-spectacular, leading ABC to make an early call as to the fate of the show. By making this early call, the network will at least allow the show to plot its own exit, thereby rewarding loyal fans with a satisfying conclusion to the ride of the past five years.

So, Alias fans, for your loss I am very sorry. But take comfort in the fact that the father of Alias has that other little show called Lost. If you haven't tried it yet, then what are you waiting for? This next generation of JJ Abrams television is waiting for you every Wednesday night at 9. Give it a shot. You won't be disappointed.

Eye on January

CBS has announced a couple of mid-season updates to its prime-time schedule, effective in January.

The not-very-funny Monday comedy Out of Practice will head to the land of hiatus (until March, that is) to make room for The Jenna Elfman Show. The new Elfman sitcom debuts on January 23 at 9:30.

On Tuesdays, during the break in-between this season’s two installments of The Amazing Race, CBS will slot the new Tom Cavanaugh (late of Ed) dramedy Love Monkey (9:00pm). Monkey, which follows the exploits of a single urban professional, kicks off on January 17.

For those of you who’ve been wondering what happened to the previously-announced Julia Louis-Dreyfus sitcom (now entitled The New Adventures of Old Christine), the show is still very much alive, and will likely see the light of day in March. Blame the premiere delay on a wealth of riches over at CBS: so much of its prime-time schedule is doing so well this season that there’s just not enough room for all of the shows that the network has waiting in the wings.

Of course, if the post-Seinfeld curse holds, then this will ultimately be one show for which CBS won't need to find a permanent time slot in the Fall.

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Follow Up

Grey’s Anatomy fans, rest easy: the alphabet network has decided against moving the hit medical drama to Monday nights. For now, anyway.

The new ABC Monday night schedule, beginning in January, will look like this:

8:00 Wife Swap
9:00 Emily’s Reasons Why Not
9:30 Jake in Progress
10:00 The Bachelor

Emily’s Reasons is a new dramedy featuring Heather Graham as a single urban professional (am I the only one sensing a trend here?). Miraculously, last season's little-viewed Jake made the cut for another season (thus depriving star John Stamos of a regular role on this season's ER). And yes… The Bachelor… again. Just what the world needs.

Looks like Monday night will continue to be a great night... for watching public access, that is. Curtain Call, anyone?

Idol Chatter

Admittedly, I’ve never been the biggest fan of American Idol. In fact, the greatest joy I used to receive from the weekly star-search show was the ability to vote (over and over again) for the worst performer of the week. Yes, you read that correctly: the worst performer. You see, considering my penchant for “so bad it’s good” entertainment, it was to my benefit to keep the lousy singers in the contest; it almost made the whole show enjoyable.

And speaking of the worst performers... without Idol, I would never have found my 21st-century bad-singer-to-top-all-bad-singers, William Hung. I'm a proud (that's right - proud) owner of all three William Hung CDs. All praise the Hung.

Bad singers aside, Idol is a harmless little show, but for whatever reason it has failed to ignite within me the fervent passion that it had ignited within millions of other television viewers… viewers who happen include several very good friends of mine.

Well, friends of mine, I have some shocking news to share with you. Brace yourself for this one: while it’s true that American Idol is returning to Fox in January, it may be returning WITHOUT the judge you love to hate, Simon Cowell.

Yes, WITHOUT Simon. Please try to control your gasps of horror.

It seems that the problem stems from a lawsuit between Cowell and Idol creator Simon Fuller. The suit alleges that Cowell stole the format of Idol to launch a talent competition in Great Britain entitled X Factor.

Further complicating matters is that this season, for the first time, Simon Cowell’s recording company will not be producing the musical release of the winning contestant; instead, the rights to the winning performer’s (and runner-up's) music have been granted to Sony. Now, think about it: if you were Simon Cowell, and you owned your own record company, would you want to produce America’s next big star… for your competitor??? Not exactly a big incentive to return to the show, is it?

A note purely from the world of speculation: if talks do become contentious, Cowell could simply leave Idol behind, transport his British X Factor concept over here to the good ol' US of A, and thereby start a franchise of his own on another network.

Then again, Idol is too important to Fox’s bottom line to let its main star slip away without a fight. The jury’s still out on this one.

In other Idol news... Fox is considering switching Idol’s traditional Tuesday/Wednesday scheduling to a Wednesday/Thursday scheduling. Moving such a high-profile mega-hit is always a risky proposition, but Fox has been down this road before.

You see, once upon a time there was this little family named the Simpsons, and they were sent by their fledging, barely 4-year-old network called Fox on what many considered to be a television-suicide mission. Their mission was to take on, head-to-head, a family known as the Huxtables. If television were a kingdom, then back then the Huxtables would have been considered its royal family.

That was fifteen years ago. The Huxtables are looooong gone. As for that Simpson family? Perhaps you caught their 17th-season opener a few weeks ago…

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Here We Go-Ho-Ho Again

No sooner do I mention the “all-Christmas-all-the-time” format flip on radio station LiteRock105, then holiday-mania hits yet ANOTHER Southeastern New England station. This time, it’s Coast 93.3 (WSNE, 93.3FM) that has flipped (literally and/or figuratively, depending on your point of view) to the it’s-way-too-early-for-this-music musical format.

Thank you SO MUCH, Clear Channel (parent company of Coast 93.3); this is just what Providence needs. TWO all-Christmas radio stations... before Thanksgiving, no less. Yet we can’t even get ONE retro-80s station. This is just another indication that Providence radio is in need of a serious overhaul.

Hey... did I just hear someone mention Sirius satellite radio…?

Bah, Humbug

Tha date was Thursday, November 17, 2005. Barely two weeks past Halloween. And still one week before Thanksgiving. Yet on this date, radio listeners in Southeastern New England were treated to the start of "all Christmas music all the time" on LiteRock 105 (WWLI, 105.1FM).

Maybe it's just me, but I'm not sensing a pent-up demand for Christmas music (and yes, holiday purists - that even includes Domenic the Italian Christmas Donkey) in mid-November. Now, even though I would still have considered it an early launch, I could at least understand kicking-off the all-Christmas format on the day after Thanksgiving; after all, that day is considered the "official" start of the holiday season (especially for retailers). But mid-November? Hey, I still haven't finished my Halloween candy, and Thankgiving dinner isn't even on my radar screen yet. Come on, Citadel (the corporate owner of LiteRock 105)... give us a break. Please? After all, it is the holiday season.

Oh, great. Now they've got me doing it.

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Ratings Report

For the week ending November 13, 2005...

Top 20 Prime Time Programs

1. CSI (CBS)
2. Desperate Housewives (ABC)
3. NFL Monday Night Football (ABC)
4. WIthout a Trace (CBS)
5. Lost (ABC)
6. Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
7. CSI: NY (CBS)
8. Survivor: Guatemala (CBS)
9. CSI: Miami (CBS)
10. NCIS (CBS)
11. Cold Case (CBS)
12. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
13. Two and a Half Men (CBS)
14. Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
15. ER (NBC)
16. Criminal Minds (CBS)
17. Commander in Chief (ABC)
18. 60 Minutes (CBS)
19. House (Fox)
20. CBS Sunday Night Movie (CBS)


The Bottom Five

116. America's Next Top Model - Encore (UPN)
117. Reba (WB)
118. What I Like About You (WB)
119. Related - Wednesday (WB)
120. Supernatral - Sunday (WB)

The Dailies - 11/14

BEST RUMOR OF THE DAY

Mitchell Hurwitz is talking to Showtime about moving Arrested Development to that network. Let me tell you... this is one rumor that I most definitely want to believe! And in my capacity as a former employee of Showtime, I pledge that I will do everything in my power to lobby the people within that network to turn this rumor into fact.


CANCELLATION OF THE DAY

The Apprentice: Martha Stewart. NBC will not pick up Martha for a second cycle. The deafening silence you just heard was the collective sound of NO ONE caring anything anymore about Martha Stewart.


MOST UNNECESSARY RENEWAL OF THE DAY

ABC’s Freddie. The alphabet network just picked up the Freddie Prinze, Jr. sitcom’s back-nine episodes, thereby guaranteeing a full-season of Freddie, and therefore Freddie. Yet just days ago Arrested Development was cancelled. Justice is sorely lacking these days in the world of television.


LEAST-EXCITING SPIN-OFF OF THE DAY

In what may be the least-anticipated spin-off since CBS announced in 1981 that they were spinning-off Florence the maid from The Jeffersons, The WB has confirmed that there is likely in 2006 to be an “Aquaman” spin-off from Smallville.

Aquaman???


MOST ABSURD CASTING OF THE DAY

Dick Wolf's midseason legal drama for NBC Conviction has added renown show-killer Eric Balfour to its cast. Balfour will portray a district attorney.

Eric Balfour? The so-called actor? As an attorney?? There are so many things wrong with this, I wouldn’t know where to begin.


POTENTIAL TIME-SLOT CHANGE OF THE DAY

Technically, this could also qualify under the “rumor of the day” banner, but nevertheless: ABC may be moving Grey’s Anatomy to Mondays at the end of football season. Don't say that you haven't been warned.


NEW-MEDIA MEGA-ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE DAY

America Online has just struck a deal with Warner Brothers to make hundreds of hours of Warner’s library programming available free of charge via AOL. The programming will consist of classic television not currently available in wide syndicated distribution, and will include Welcome Back, Kotter, Chico and the Man, Kung Fu, Alice, Eight is Enough, Growing Pains, and F Troop. In other words… nothing but the very best (yes, sarcasm intended).


CANCELLATION OF THE DAY, PART 2

ABC’s revival of The Night Stalker. Carl Kolchak, we hardly knew ye. Again.


MOVIE RECOMMENDATION OF THE DAY

Good Night and Good Luck. I just saw it this past weekend. Very good film. Incredibly good film, in fact. Seriously – if you are a enthusiast of television history or political history (or preferably both), then SEE THIS MOVIE. You can thank me later.

A Sad Day in Television Land

Well, it finally happened.

We all knew that it was coming, but the news is devastating nonetheless: Fox has cancelled Arrested Development. Okay - technically, they haven't yet used the word "cancelled," but... the network has chosen not to exercise its option to pick up Arrested’s back-nine episodes for this season, which means that the series will close up shop after its 13th episode. In TV-speak, that's as good as calling it "cancelled."

The immediate impact of this announcement is that Arrested will disappear for the remainder of the November sweep. The show will return in the less-critical month of December (December 5th, to be exact), when it will begin to play out its final episodes.

Might the show be rescued by a cable-network knight in shining armor? Perhaps. HBO and FX come to mind. But don’t get your hopes up; Arrested is not an inexpensive show to produce, and that fact, combined with its dismal track record (ratings-wise) over 2.5 years, may scare away even the most-enthusiastic of networks.

I’m still not quite sure why audiences were never able to discover Arrested. After all, this season television viewers were able to find and embrace another intelligent comedy, NBC’s My Name is Earl. This proves that intelligent, single-camera comedies can succeed on broadcast-network television.

We certainly can’t fault Fox. They tried; they really did. They stuck with the series through nearly three seasons. A lesser network would have pulled the plug by the end of the first season.

Arrested appeared to have it all. Along with its superior writing and well-above-average cast, it was blessed with a strong time slot (in seasons one and two it ran on Sundays, leading out of The Simpsons) and a first-year Emmy win for Best Comedy.

Yet, despite its advantages, viewers never seemed to warm up to Michael, GOB, Buster, Lucille, and the rest of the Bluth family. And that is a loss for all of us.

And so, we're left with nothing more than a plan to enjoy Arrested Development while it lasts.

'Tis a sad day indeed.

Living The Surreal Life

The year 2005 continues to be for me an exercise in surreal adventures. Some of you are already familiar with my surreal exploits: the Billy Gilman concert in Westerly, the trip around the Colossal Colon, "the party," meeting "Mr. Burns," and the Public Access Awards, just to name a few. Well, I'm semi-proud to announce that I have another surreal tale to add to this ever-growing list: I attended a Hanson concert. Yes, that Hanson; the Hanson that gave the world the sugar-coated, sickeningly-sweet pop pseudo-classic MMMBop.

Now, your first question may be... WHY??? To answer your question... please know that I'm not a Hanson fan; however, one of my very favorite people in the world is a fan, and she needed someone to attend the show with her. And being that my fondness for her runs so deep that I really would do just about anything for her, volunteer I did.

You know, someday I've reeeeeealy going to have to learn to stop raising my hands for these kind of assignments. But I digress.

The concert was held last Friday night in Boston, at the club Avalon on Lansdowne Street. Prior to getting to the club, however, my friend and I spent some time roaming the city, and this roaming included a stop at the Prudential Center, a highly-successful urban mall situated in-between Boylston Street and Huntington Avenue (footnote for Krispy Kreme lovers: be warned that the Krispy Kreme store in the Pru has closed. Oh, the pain).

What made this mall stop noteworthy was the surrealistically unexpected, unanticipated encounter with the Xcelerator, the world's most powerful hand dryer. Actually, the word "powerful" doesn't quite do justice to this device. Seriously, with enough power to potentially tear the skin right off of your hands, I wouldn't at all be surprised if this thing was used by NASA to simulate wind force during trial runs of the Space Shuttle. And loud? If you've ever heard a 727 take off from TF Green Airport, then you have a pretty good idea of the decibel level generated by this air-spewing monster.

Anyway, back to the concert. Stupid me - I had anticipated that the whole thing would be pretty harmless; "after all," I thought to myself, "it's only those Hanson boys - how many people could they possibly draw?"

Quite a few, as it turned out. The place was PACKED with rabid, screaming Hanson fans. And judging from the number of people assembled into this place, the line to get in the door must have started early, and it likely had stretched around Fenway Park (Avalon's neighbor). The zealous fans, who sang along with every lyric and Pavlovianly waved their hands each and every time one of the Hansons instructed them to, seemed to be more than pleased with the show. Their screams, though, at times were so vociferous that they often drowned out the music... which, now that I think about it, maybe wasn't such a bad thing.

I simply stared in amazement at the sociological experiment which surrounded me... and at that moment I came to the realization that yet another surreal moment was upon me.

And so, there you have it. Me. At a Hanson concert. Who would've thought? What's next... me watching UPN? Nah, that could never happen... right?

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No, Dear

FINALLY -- after several excrutiating years and a couple of last minute reprieves from the CBS programming version of a governor -- it looks as if CBS is once-and-for-all pulling the plug on Yes, Dear. This lame-excuse-for-a-comedy sitcom just may have finally used up its ninth life. The Eye has passed on ordering the back-nine episodes for this season, which means that Yes, Dear will cease production after its 13th episode. Yes, television lovers: it's time to pop open that bottle of cancellation champagne!

I mean, come on -- with the possible exception of Still Standing, has there been a less-funny sitcom on CBS' prime time schedule over the past couple of years? The plug should have been pulled on this baby years ago. Goodbye, Dear.