Memo to NBC's Casting Director: You're Fired

What happens when you cross Donald Trump with VH1’s The Surreal Life? You get NBC's upcoming Celebrity Apprentice! If the writers strike continues for much longer, then expect to see this latest Apprentice turn up on Thursdays at 9.

Check out some of the Surreal Life-worthy participants:

Marilu Henner
Stephen Baldwin
Vincent Pastore
Nadia Comaneci
Piers Morgan
Lennox Lewis
Trace Adkins
Carol Alt

The best news of all is that this list is real. Yes, real. Sad, isn't it? Piers Morgan? Nadia Comaneci??? THIS is the best that NBC could come up with?

This so-called "celebrity" edition of The Apprentice is going to be bad. VERY bad. Thus, as you may have guessed, I can’t wait to see it!

Oh, For The Love Of...

With apologies to the classic TV theme song… Green Acres may once again be the place to be!

Those of you who know me in "real life" know that I consider Green Acres to be one of the true unsung heroes of television. A show that never got its due, Acres was a loopy, surreal half hour of absurdist comedy. Unfortunately, it too often was deemed as nothing more than one of CBS's long list of "rural" sitcoms (in the 60s and very-early 70s, CBS was known for its stable of rural-themed comedies)... along the likes of Petticoat Junction and The Andy Griffith Show, and therefore the show did not get the respect that it most certainly deserved. Green Acres was, without a doubt, in a league of its own... a perfect storm of absurdity and surrealism.

Now, word is surfacing that we may soon see a remake of the inimitable Green Acres!

How is such a magnificent thing possible, you may ask? Well, we have the writers strike to thank for this potential good fortune. You see, the networks are looking for just about anything that can be produced for prime time without the use of the members of the Writers Guild of America. One avenue being explored by the networks is new productions of past prime-time hits… complete with the original scripts! You see? If the scripts have already been written, then no WGA members need to be involved in the production!

And this is where Green Acres comes into play. Richard Bare, the director of the classic Acres, has purchased the rights to the surreal series from the estate of Green Acres creator Jay Sommers. If Bare has his way, he’ll soon be assembling a new cast for a revival of our beloved Green Acres. Bare is now pitching the networks on the concept.

Admittedly, the original Green Acres is one tough act to follow. And a pale, disappointing copy of the original is certainly a distinct possibility. But being that the original Acres director would be heading up the project, I'd be very interested in seeing what Mr. Bare would come up with. So will it actually happen? Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed... but I can't help wondering: who would play Arnold Ziffel? The original Arnold is an especially tough act to follow...

And The Winner Is...

Note: this is a message for Rhode Island television viewers only.

Just in case you're looking for some new programming in a sea of strike-induced reruns, then look no further: the annual PEG Awards ceremony will be telecast on Sunday, November 18 at 2:00pm on cable channel 13.

The PEG Awards, also known as the Public Access Awards, honors excellence in public-access television programming. Yes, you saw the word "excellence" in the same sentence with the phrase "public access programming." This was not a typo. Contrary to the stereotype, public access is often very entertaining... once in a while unintentionally ("so bad it's good!") entertaining, but for the most part the programming is produced with the best of intentions. And speaking of the best of intentions... yours truly is back again this year for another go-round of this Emmys-on-crack awards extravaganza.

If you happen to miss the show this Sunday, there will be encore telecasts on November 26, December 9, and December 16 (all 2:00pm on channel 13).

Guess Who's Coming to Boston?

As the television-writers strike drags on incessantly, the broadcast networks are embracing reality programming to fill the numerous prime-time hours left vacant by the lack of new scripted fare.

Case in point: CBS is strongly considering moving its summer reality franchise Big Brother from its usual post- July 4th debut to a early-in-2008 premiere. This rapid advancement in scheduling by the eye net is creating a headache for the producers of Brother, as they now need to move very quickly to cast the 9th edition of the trapped-in-the-house reality show. And this is where you, my fellow New Englanders, come in.

The producers of Big Brother will be in Boston on December 8, from 12:00pm to 3:00pm, to meet and greet any and all of you who would be interested in moving into the Big Brother house. This open casting call will be held at Felt (533 Washington Street, next to the Opera House).

So, if you've ever dreamed of being the next Chicken George, well... you may need professional counseling. However, if being trapped in a house for three months (with your actions and every move being broadcast to the world 24-hours-a-day) is your idea of a good time, then you now know where you need to be next month. And if you DO happen to get on the show, then don't forget to say hello to me.