I Love VH1

This past Friday was the kind of day that we lovers of bad television usually only dream about. What made this particular Friday so special was the announcement from VH1 of the pick-up of FOUR (count 'em - FOUR) so-bad-they're-GREAT reality shows!

First up on the renewal parade is the second season of Breaking Bonaduce. If you happened to see the first season of this Danny Bonaduce reality series, then you now know the metaphorical definition of "televised train wreck." In season two, Danny and his wife Gretchen will attempt to outdo season one by trying to pick up the pieces of their lives and their marriage after Danny's much-publicized battle with drugs and alcohol. I know, I know - it sounds dark and depressing. But trust me on this one - it's DANNY BONADUCE, so watch it! Televised train wrecks don't come along every day, you know.

Next up on the VH1 announcement list is part two of My Fair Brady. The first season of this insipid-yet-fascinating show followed the true-life story of a reality-television model (Adrienne Curry) who finds love with none other than Peter Brady (Christopher Knight) himself. They had first met on VH1's The Surreal Life, and the powers-that-be at VH1 knew they had something in this pairing, so spun-off they were into My Fair Brady. Season two will follow the unlikely couple as they plan their wedding. Should be pretty horrible.

Moving right along on the VH1 press-release bandwagon... it's time for the fourth installment of VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. And if you thought last season's cast of overweight-and-out-of-shape characters was good, then just wait until you meet this year's cast... which will include washed-up singer and talk-show host Carnie Wilson (hey, wait a minute - didn't she just undergo gastric-bypass surgery? oh well - I guess that didn't work!), The Love Boat's favorite bartender Ted Lange (the answer to the question you're thinking of right now is.. ."yes, he's STILL around"), Baywatch's Erica Eleniak (wow - Erica Eleniak on Fit Club? I guess that time wasn't very good to her), Tina Yothers (from Family Ties - and yes, SHE'S still around, too - although I have no idea as to why), and everyone's favorite Sopranos snitch... Big Pussy himself, Vincent Pastore. Now, if I remember Pastore's physique correctly, then he should have been on the FIRST season of Fit Club!

And now, gentle readers, I've saved the best for last.

VH1 has announced that Flavor of Love 2 will premiere in August. August!! For those of you keeping score, that's only three months away!!! Yeah, boyeeeeeeeeee!

You know, I'm not really sure exactly when Flavor Flav became reality-televison's favorite "so-bad-he's-good" star, but become it he did... and the rest is reality-television history. Let me take this opportunity to send out a special "thank you" to the winner of the the first season of Flavor of Love, none other than Hoopz. If it weren't for Hoopz being nothing more than a user, then we wouldn't be looking forward to a second season of Flavor of Love. We owe you big time, Hoopz.

God bless you, VH1. What would we do without you?

Signs of Change

Signs of change at Warwick Mall, as a new Macy's sign is covered in anticipation of the May 2 opening of its relocated store. Macy's is moving from its current location in the mall to the former Filene's store. The ghost-like markings of the old Filene's sign can be seen lurking eerily beneath the new Macy's sign.

The Warwick Filene's store was closed earlier this year as a result of the Federated Department Stores takeover of The May Company. Federated is the owner of Macy's, and Filene's was a May store. By September of this year all Filene's stores will either be converted to the Macy's nameplate or closed completely.

You Blew It, ABC

An open letter to the powers-that-be at ABC

You blew it.

Big time.

You took the best new show of the season, Commander in Chief, and killed it. Destroyed it. Annihilated it.

Back in September and October, you had it all with Commander: a solid, well-written, well-directed, well-acted drama… that also happened to be winning its time slot (which in itself was no small feat for a Tuesday-at-9 show on ABC). But you couldn’t leave well-enough alone, now could you?

It seems that you were upset that scripts and new episodes were being delivered late by Commander creator/producer Rod Lurie. So, what do you do? You dump him as showrunner. Gone. Outta here. See ya. Except that Rod Lurie was the guy who gave you... your biggest new hit of the season. Except that Rod Lurie happened to be the guy who gave Commander its vision. Its voice. Its distinction. Rod Lurie was Commander in Chief.

Okay… Lurie’s out – strike one.

You didn’t waste any time going for strike two. For the big strike number two, you brought in Steven Bochco to replace Rod Lurie as showrunner. Now don’t get me wrong – Bochco is a talented guy and a top-shelf producer. The problem is that Bochco shows are very different shows from the kind of show that is Commander in Chief. With this in mind, there appeared to be two options: Bochco could attempt to fit the mold for Commander that had already been established by Lurie, or Bochco could attempt to “Bochco-ize” Commander.

I'll give you one guess as to what happened.

Bochco took a strong show… a personal show… and turned it into a “Bochco show.” Each episode now featured a “crisis of the week.” The unique role of the “first gentleman” was scuttled in favor of moving the President’s husband into a policy/advisory role. We were even “treated” (quotes intentional) to the addition of a Bochco favorite (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) to the cast (in a very unnecessary role as a hot-shot political-campaign advisor). And in no time it all it became apparent that Commander wasn't meant to be a "Bochco show." Virtually overnight the most-watchable new show of the Fall season became very unwatchable. Strike two!

Of course, this television-is-a-baseball-game metaphor would not be complete without a strike three; there just has to be a strike three. And oh boy, is there a strike three. You see, what you do if you're ABC is you take your biggest new hit of the season, and put it on hiatus for several weeks in a row (thereby destroying the show’s momentum and allowing audiences to completely forget about it). And then… when you do bring it back, you change its time slot, from the one in which it worked so well (Tuesdays at 9:00), to a slot affectionately known in the industry as one of television’s “death slots” (Thursdays at 10:00, opposite prime-time powerhouses ER and Without a Trace). Smart stuff, eh? Steeeee-rike three!

Commander in Chief returned to the ABC schedule last night (in the aforementioned death slot) for the first time since January. And for this go-round, Bochco's out and a new showrunner (third one this season, for those of you at home keeping score!) is in. The new showrunner (Dee Johnson, who had originally worked under Lurie) is valiantly trying to right the wrongs of Mr. Bochco. But sadly, it looks as if it may be too late. Last night's Commander was a mere shell of its former self.

That's right, ABC - you blew it.

'Big' Surprise

Attention Big Brother fans: get ready for a new twist this Summer.

CBS will soon announce that this year’s edition of its “trapped inside the house” reality-show franchise will be an “all star” edition. This means that the seventh edition of the show will feature the “best of the best” (of course, your definition of “best” may differ from mine and from CBS') houseguests from the show’s past six years. CBS will give Brother fans an opportunity to vote for whom they’d like to see return for another go-round inside of the Big Brother house. Don’t be surprised, though, if CBS retains the right to cast some of the spots without viewer input; they’ll want to ensure a high level of interpersonal drama, so I’m sure that they’ve already got a few past contestants in mind.

As long as Chicken George and Cowboy aren’t voted back in, then I’ll be fine with it. As for host Julie Chen… sorry, but there’s no way to vote her out.

A Different Point of View

Okay. Katie Couric’s leaving Today and taking over the CBS Evening News. Meredith Vieira is saying goodbye to The View and heading over to Today.

So what’s going to happen to Meredith’s lead role on The View?

The word on the streets of Manhattan is that Everybody Loves Raymond star Patricia Heaton is the leading candidate to fill Meredith’s shoes on ABC’s daytime talk show.

While Heaton’s name may seem to many to be an unlikely choice, the fact of the matter is that Heaton has recently been in negotiations with Buena Vista for her own syndicated daytime talk show. Following the chain… Buena Vista is the syndication arm of Disney… and Disney owns ABC… and ABC owns The View. Ahhhh… now it’s starting to make sense.

Keep in mind, though, that Heaton currently is headlining a sitcom pilot for ABC, and that project could trump any plans for Heaton to slide into the View seat.

Now, if you were to ask Meredith who should fill her shoes on The View, then the answer just might surprise you. In an interview taped yesterday (for broadcast today) with Access Hollywood, Vieira said that she would love to see Connie Chung take over at The View.

In addition to Heaton, CNN's Soledad O'Brien is supposedly high on ABC's list, and ABC is reportedly considering shifting World News Tonight anchor Elizabeth Vargas from the evening-news anchor slot to the seat on The View. With Vargas’ co-anchor Bob Woodruff out of commission for an extended period of time (due to injuries suffered while reporting from Iraq) and Vargas’ impending maternity leave, ABC executives are said to be worried about the fate of their evening newscast, and thus are considering shifting Good Morning America’s Charles Gibson to the WNT anchor chair.

With all of this daytime-television news swirling this week, you just have to feel sorry for poor Poor Judge Mablean. With all this Katie/Meredith coverage dominating the TV-news landscape, no one’s talking about the fact that Mablean is being replaced as the judge on Divorce Court. Now how could an important story such as this have escaped coverage on Larry King Live?

Flavor of New York?

From the "just when you thought that television couldn't sink any lower" file:

Flavor of Love fans: are you ready for... Flavor of New York?

Now that Flavor of Love 2 is a go, rumor has it that VH1 is attempting to develop a reality series built around everyone's favorite you-love-to-hate-her Flavor of Love contestant "New York" (real name: Tiffany Patterson).

Considering the sky-high ratings achieved by its tasteless-yet-impossible-not-to-watch dating-show debacle, VH1 might be looking to squeeze a little more blood out of its Flavor of Love stone with a reality series built around Love’s most infamous contestant. There’s even a possibility that Flavor Flav himself would be a part of the show.

No word on guest appearances by Hoopz or Pumkin, but any show starring New York had better prominently feature New York's mother (you do remember her calling Flav as "a buffoon," don't you?).

Again, though, this New York spin-off is just a rumor at this point. But hey, you never know; sometimes rumors have a way of turning into fact.

News News

Okay – here’s the latest on the “will she or won’t she” story of Katie Couric and her potential move to CBS and its Evening News.

If you believe the word leaking out of 30 Rock today, then Katie will announce on Wednesday morning that she is leaving NBC and The Today Show. What she likely WON’T say on Wednesday morning is that she’s leaving Today to become the anchor of the CBS Evening News (and in turn make television history by becoming the first solo female anchor of a network evening newscast). The reason for the non-mention of the CBS deal? The terms of her contract with NBC will prohibit her from discussing her new position until the expiration of the contract, which will come at the end of May.

Concurrently, NBC is supposedly thiiiiiis close today to closing a deal with Meredith Vieira to leave ABC's The View and take over as Today co-host. Rumored to be complicating matters is Meredith's contract with Buena Vista to host Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Reportedly, the syndicator is playing hardball with Vieira in her attempts to free herself from that contract. If the rumblings are true and Vieira is succesful in breaking her contract with Millionaire, then she would join Today in September.

If Vieira does end up signing with NBC, then the result would be a Today Show helmed by two former WJAR personalities (Meredith was once a WJAR news reporter/anchor, and Matt Lauer once co-hosted WJAR's PM Magazine).

Stay tuned...