This is Sick
Don’t get this year’s flu.
Really. I mean it. Don’t do it. TRUST ME on this one. If you’ve never taken my advice before, then THIS is the time to do so.
This flu is a mean flu. Mean like those mean monkeys that harass tourists for money. Yes, that kind of mean.
It hit me out of nowhere, without warning and with a blazing sense of urgency. I went from feeling 100%... to the first ache… to feeling like death… in under 30 minutes. The flood of symptoms had taken over. Chills. Serious chills. I could not get warm enough; four blankets were not enough to stop my body from shaking and shivering. And the body aches? Oh, the body aches! Reaching for my water became an exercise in futility. Getting out of bed? Nearly impossible. Between the body aches, the dizziness, and the extreme fatigue, I was a prison on my Simmons Beautyrest. Those of you who know me well know that I normally treasure the time spent on my beloved Simmons. Needless to say, this was NOT one of those treasured moments. As for food… forget it. Eating was strictly verboten. Any solids that went into me… well, let’s just say that they didn’t stay inside of me for long. It wasn’t until day six of this plague-like influenza that a solid food didn’t make a liquefied return-appearance within 30 minutes of its initial consumption.
When all was said, but not yet quite done, this thing had me out of commission for a full week. Yes, one week. And it ain’t over yet (yes, I said “ain’t” – sorry, but that’s what this flu does to you): I’m still weak and a little achy, my head still spins, and my stomach still isn’t “right.” But – at least I finally made it out of the house. Hey, it’s a start.
Now... someone please help me with this one: was it flu-induced delirium, or last night did I actually see one of the Flavor of Love contestants slide her hand into the mouth of elderly woman in order to help the woman put in her dentures? I mean... come on... it had to be the delirium, right? Right??
See? I told you that it was a mean flu.
Really. I mean it. Don’t do it. TRUST ME on this one. If you’ve never taken my advice before, then THIS is the time to do so.
This flu is a mean flu. Mean like those mean monkeys that harass tourists for money. Yes, that kind of mean.
It hit me out of nowhere, without warning and with a blazing sense of urgency. I went from feeling 100%... to the first ache… to feeling like death… in under 30 minutes. The flood of symptoms had taken over. Chills. Serious chills. I could not get warm enough; four blankets were not enough to stop my body from shaking and shivering. And the body aches? Oh, the body aches! Reaching for my water became an exercise in futility. Getting out of bed? Nearly impossible. Between the body aches, the dizziness, and the extreme fatigue, I was a prison on my Simmons Beautyrest. Those of you who know me well know that I normally treasure the time spent on my beloved Simmons. Needless to say, this was NOT one of those treasured moments. As for food… forget it. Eating was strictly verboten. Any solids that went into me… well, let’s just say that they didn’t stay inside of me for long. It wasn’t until day six of this plague-like influenza that a solid food didn’t make a liquefied return-appearance within 30 minutes of its initial consumption.
When all was said, but not yet quite done, this thing had me out of commission for a full week. Yes, one week. And it ain’t over yet (yes, I said “ain’t” – sorry, but that’s what this flu does to you): I’m still weak and a little achy, my head still spins, and my stomach still isn’t “right.” But – at least I finally made it out of the house. Hey, it’s a start.
Now... someone please help me with this one: was it flu-induced delirium, or last night did I actually see one of the Flavor of Love contestants slide her hand into the mouth of elderly woman in order to help the woman put in her dentures? I mean... come on... it had to be the delirium, right? Right??
See? I told you that it was a mean flu.
posted by TV Boy at 5:45 PM
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